Lately I have been thinking a lot about areas of my life that need change. Some of these areas are pretty basic. I have allowed many things into my life that have caused bad roots to take hold of my heart. I am striving (by God's grace) to rid myself of them.
Some of these things I have learned not from hearing amazing messages from the pulpit, although I assure you that God has brought some amazing teachers into my life, but I have learned these things from my children. I spend almost 24/7 with my children. I wake to the sound of Luke breaking eggs into the couch (long story) and before I go to bed I hook Luke up to his feeding tube. I am constantly around them and I love to observe them playing and interacting with each other.
The first thing that I am learning from them is patience. I do not mean that they are teaching me patience though. What I mean is that I see in them the impatience in my own life. There will be times that I discipline Luke because he wants his food right this instant. Luke will throw a royal tantrum because he is getting the food he wants but not in the time frame that he wants it. I am working on it, just not fast enough for him.
That is when I see myself in him. That is when I am ashamed. I also throw royal tantrums when I do not get my way fast enought. I act just like a 2 yr old who wants it his way or else. I am blessed with a longsuffering husband but I fear that over the years I have abused that facet of his personality. I have caused him much grief by figuratively throwing myself on the ground and then proceeding to kick and scream. Usually, he acquiesces. Not because he is a push over but because he is self sacrificing and a peacemaker.
I am praying that God will help me overcome my lack of patience. Things don't always move in a timely manner and that is life. The world is NOT on my time table. I wish it were and that I didn't have to wait for my husband to come home from work, or didn't have to wait for and hour in the Dr's waiting room. Unfortunately, these are all normal occurrences. Life happens and God has given me the grace to deal with it. However, I usually try to handle it in my own strength and fall flat on my face. I am resting in the fact that even though I will still fail in the future, God can bring me through this vice in my life.
Ecc 7:8 Better is the end of a thing than its beginning, and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit.
1Cr 13: Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant
Rom 8:24For we are saved by hope: but hope that is seen is not hope: for what a man seeth, why doth he yet hope for?
Rom 8:25 But if we hope for that we see not, [then] do we with patience wait for [it].
Rom 8:26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.
Rom 8:27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what [is] the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints according to [the will of] God.
Rom 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose
Internal Conflict...the rest of the story
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After a harrowing night of plane delays and rescheduling, I returned to my
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